No, Yes, Maybe, Lobster!
by AnimeWrestlingDonuts
Summary: Aang is having some difficult times...and everyone seems to be nude. Contains AangZula, Azulaang and Zukka. Beware dick jokes and crack galore
1. Orange is his color

Opposites Attract

Disclaimer - All Characters are owned by Michael DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko

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She wasn't easy. In _any _sense of the word. The Avatar knew that first hand, from fighting her at Ba Sing Se to asking her for her number. But this would be the hardest yet, maybe even harder than explaining why he had a pair of her blood red lace panties in his pocket. Or when he was caught with a scantily clad picture of Katara on his ceiling. And thi-

"WHY? WHY WHY WHY WHY!? Why do I have to wear this Zuko! I thought you loved me!"

"But baby, you lost the bet. Besides it _really _shows off your nice tan legs."

"You can see my Water Tribe _boomerang. _What if some old lady starts hitting me with her purse! Or worse some pervert will take pictures of me and will put them in PlayGirl _again_!

"Oh you-"

"HOLY AGNI! WHAT IN THE AIR TEMPLES ARE YOU WEARING!"

Sokka turned, jaw gapped like a koi fish and eyes that looked like an 8 ball. Clad in nothing but a cross between a Fire Nation Maid outfit and a Catholic Schoolgirl uniform stood a pontailless Sokka. He easily passed as a flat chested girl. Zuko was just laughing his scarred face off. Sokka punched the amused Fire Nation Prince. Zuko fell gracefully between Sokka's legs; he was quite enjoying the view.

Aang quickly sprinted to the nearest house plant and upchucked his banana onion juice from this morning. That was definitely not going to cure his nervousness for tonight. He did admit Sokka had nice shaven legs though. He checked himself for any puke stains for the vicious _maiden_ would surely not tolerate it. He smacked his orange left butt pocket to make sure _it_ was there. Because everyone knows Orange is the young monk's color!

Sliding into the awaiting orange dragon of a limo he politely motioned for his trusted chauffer, Appa, to whisk him away to the most swankiest restaurant in town, The Jasmine Dragon. Thankfully the drive was short for Appa knew how to switch lanes at a quick pace and plus he liked showing the world the limo's sky bison power. It was like they were floating over all the other cars. If the drive took any longer Aang would've been swallowed by his own anxiety.

The Jasmine Dragon was known mostly for it's badass one of a kind tea. But it also has a rich cultural cuisine only found there. Mixed between traditional Earth Kingdom and Fire nation gastronomy the foods are truly original. The scenery matched the food being served. Red, Green and Gold were expertly decorated around the restaurant. But the only thing Aang noticed was the golden eyed vixen sitting daintily at the Corner booth.

To Be Continued...

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Please R&R, This is my first fanfic so take it easy xD


	2. Foaming is a turn off

Disclaimer: All Characters owned by Michael DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko.

Warning: Slight lemon and schtick. Thanx to all that reviewed

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He was just _too_ naïve. The _now_ bald headed monk was nothing but naïve…and a closet pervert. But come on! What kind of excuse is "Zuko put your panties in my pocket, I swear!" or "Sokka must've super glued it to my room ceiling…please don't hurt me". Being the understanding female devil firebender that she was. She only used the _red _flames. Aiming for his hair was just a gift from her to him. He looked oh so _wrong_ with hair.

To be honest she wasn't at all mad…_at him_. She knows that _her_ Aang was too shy to do it himself. The only reason she _physically_ beat him was she had a reputation to up hold. She just blackmailed and mentally tortured the truth out of the two butt sexing dumbasses. Riddles, sex tapes, and discriminating photoshopped pictures do wonders. The only good thing that came out of it is that she got Aang to blush without showing him her bra strap or _more. _Oh and he told her the truth, that was a turn on.

If only her father knew. But alas! Dearest Daddy Ozai doesn't even know that she knows what and how to do the dirty deed. In fact she's not even sure he noticed that she has grown boobies. If he found out she was dating, he'd lock her in his alluring 24 story palace without any male contact except for himself. If he found out she was dating _him_, well, _he'd_ be neutered and she will be watched constantly by Ozai himself. Even in the bathroom. Just thinking about him watching her in the shower with those cold hawk eyes made her shudder in terror. Oddly it kind of turned her on.

As long as Aang doesn't try to go to the ultimate form of commitment and she was forced to tell her daddy. They'll be safe. _Hopefully._

The day Zuzu found out about the scandalous _affair_ was the day Zuzu almost got a matching scar on the right eye. That wouldn't have really made it worse though because Zuzu was temporarily blind and foaming at the mouth. There was so much foam it would put Foamy out of a job and fandom.

A certain leather corset wearing Fire Goddess was straddling a bare naked Avatar with his hands occupied with a sweet heart shaped romp. Azula was claiming her territory, nipping harshly on the exposed skin of his neck. Aang was truly in heaven, you can tell by his Air _staff. _Neither of them cared for the intruder. Frankly they didn't give a damn, it was his problem. Zuzu wouldn't dare tell Daddy. Daddy would just beat his ass for telling a _"lie"._ But it was their problem when the Zuzu foam was up to their ankles…and they were on a cherry wood high chair!

Azula still being the horny temptress was pissed. She was about to get it on and her pathetic brother was completely ruining the moment. So she shot two warning shots…into his head. Thankfully for Zuko the foam acted as a shield. He didn't want to try his luck again so he got his buttocks out of there. Now lets not forget that he was blind at the time. When he took that first step, the foam turned against him and he slid across the room. Zuko went face first into Aang's Air _staff. _

Aang was still dazed by the immense pleasure and pain his wicked lover was giving him. So when he felt the contact that Zuko's face made with his Air _staff, _he believed that was her.

"Oh Mistress, you're being so generous tonight. Please for the loves of Agni suckle me like a baby would to its mother."

Aang pelvic thrusted towards Zuko's head to emphasize his request. Before Azula could laugh at Zuko's predicament, he ran like if Sokka wanted to be seme and he was giving him _The Look. _Screaming all the way to _his_ room, he hadn't noticed that it was his Father's Room where Ozai was getting it on with his newly returned mother, Ursa. It was way too late for him to notice that mistake before he saw the humping. His therapist jumped off the Royal Fire Nation Palace before he could even get to what Ozai and Ursa were moaning.

After that Azula decided that all sex would be performed at Aang's temple. Aang just nodded as he watched Zuko sob in his corner of angst.

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Again R&R please! Next Chappie will be about how their relationship began ;-)


	3. Nudist part 1

Disclaimer: All Characters owned by Michael DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko.

AN: Review or I'll make Aang have hair...please! Yosh! Thanx to AvatarAiris and Restricted Soul for reviewing, yes!

Caution: Minor cursing and Star Wars jokes that are crappy. (Mark Hamill that voices Ozai is Luke Skywalker put 2 and 2 together) (I have never seen any Star Wars) (Please Don't Kill Me)

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How it began?

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Waking up is a bitch. Having an epiphany puts Azula in a mutual mode. Lucky for the servants.

After Mai and Ty Lee betrayed her at the club, The Boiling Rock, where when you go in its inescapable. Well until like 5 AM when it closes. Azula realized how you can't cheat destiny. Normally a woman of her power and status would never believe such things as karma or destiny. But when her most trusted acquaintances left her for "good" she knew Daddy and her could not win. Plus Daddy Ozai was quickly going insane with the whole phoenix lord thing and the "Your mom had a great butt. Now bend over, lets see if you inherited it."

Sure Mai left for Zuko and Ty Lee was a mindless follower. But that's exactly how destiny decided to screw her over. Except destiny never intended for her to also become "good". She just needed someone to help push her in the direction of heroes, justice, and all that fun stuff. She could've sworn she almost gagged. But who would accept her drastic turn into good? She was quite certain that all of the female's hated her. So that left Zuzu, The Avatar, or the big headed Water Tribe peasant that Zuzu was getting his freak on with. It was obvious the two had chemistry even if they were "straight". _Loving_ Uncle Iroh would **_never _**give her a chance, even if she offered him the finest Jasmine tea fresh off the kettle. Fortunately for her, the opportunity to join the Avatar Gang was lurking at her favorite hot spot, Ba Sing Se.

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Lets see what The Aang Gang are up to at 11 AM

They needed _special_ help. They had no clue what Fire Lord Ozai was planning on the day of Sozin's Comet, AKA The Fire Nation Voting Day. It was trully the last chance they had of forcing him to resign by beating his big tone ass. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that if he doesn't resign from the election, the world will be (mostly)owned by Ozai's huge rough hands. The Earth Kingdom and the Southern Water Tribe were _persuaded_ into voting for the power hungry male. Plus Ozai did a mean **Luke Skywalker** impression, which won the vote of many of the Star Wars geeks. It would be a damn good miracle if the majority of the Fire Nation voted for Aang but that still wouldn't be enough.

Zuko having been in the war room a few times when he went back to the **darkside**. Knew a little about the Fire Nation tatics but nothng for a major occasion. Ozai never had complete faith for his son. He was not the son he was desiring for. And Iroh was picking up women somewhere with his new hot bod. That was Zuko's fault when he told uncle, "We are all thankful for you assistance Uncle, but the Avatar and the gang need to figure this out on our own. So we can prove ourselves. Why don't you find a beautiful woman to make you some tea, Uncle?". Damn Zuko for opening his flaming mouth. So they were all clueless at the moment about Sozin's comet. For all they knew Ozai could've filled a room with knock out gas or made an entire floor a trap door into a bottomless pit.

Toph being the shameless pervert even declared that Ozai would wait for them naked so he could knock them out with surprise, then strip all of them of their clothes and use them as sexy sex slaves."

Sokka countered saying, "Your blind! You can't tell if he was naked."

Toph laughed and sayed, "I can feel if one has clothes on or not! Plus I can feel a dude's length from vibrations if you know what I mean. So if he is huge, I would be shocked. If he is small, I'd laugh then I'll earthbend the **force** out of him. I don't get whats so big about Star Wars. Oh my popsicle stick sword glows! Big fucking whoop!"

Zuko responded weakly, "Dad's about as big as a **light saber**."

Aang's jaw dropped. Katara twitched like a **wookie** after eating 93 bags of sugar. Sokka felt horny and flabbergasted. Toph started making thrusting motions at Sokka pratically screaming, "You owe me your piece of pig cow steak!". Zuko was blushing madly. Sokka just made that blush go to a darker shade.

"So Zuko does it run in the family...cause I thought we could go see a movie sometime." Sokka pushed the still thrusting Toph to the side. He had the most serious face on. _Ever_.

To make matters worst, Iroh just walked into camp. _Nude. _Some pretty young things called Koko and Shoji put sleep powder(Powdered Toxins from June's Shirshu) in his tea. They stole his clothes and _were _planning to steal his wallet. But once they saw his _mini _Dragon of the West they backed off, took a picture, and ran off to sell the clothes on Ebay.

Aang fainted. Katara spazzed and waterbended the memory out of her mind. Sokka dragged a weeping Zuko behind a bush since it was completely apparent that it _does _run in the family. Toph was still thrusting making wolf whistles at Zuko and Iroh. And Iroh wasn't _hiding_ anything.

"So we need a spy in the Fire Nation?" Iroh plopped himself on a log. Oblivious to the fact that he was scaring the teens and he had been drugged. Rubbing his beard thoughtfully he came up with a simple answer.

"Ursa."

"**I've got a very bad feeling about this.**" Zuko yelped behind the bush. No one really knows whether he was talking to Iroh or the now nude Sokka.

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Yo! Thanx for reading. There will be a part 2 of this Chapter so wait and see!

R&R R&R R&R R&R R&R R&R R&R


	4. Still nude part 2

Disclaimer - All Characters are owned by Michael DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko

AN: I'm truly thankful that all my reviews have been positive! And that my fanfic has over 1000 views! Thank you for reading and keeping up with the story.

_**I've turned the war into a presidency election race. The candidates being Ozai and Aang. Please keep that in mind.**_

Please (hopefully) Enjoy!

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Sokka's hornyness took a back seat to Mr. Idea Guy. Zuko's _sword_ still in Sokka's hands. Lets just say Zuko's _sword_ was in now way _bendy_.

"You're thing of using her for seduction aren't you? Even if we do manage to find her will she be willing?" He questioned while yanking his hand roughly from the sensitive rod of flesh.

The owner of the said rod yelped in pain. Sokka shrugged and seated himself next to Iroh on the plush ground. He didn't bother getting dressed again. The Dragon of the West so happened to look down.

"Do Southern Water Tribe males have _icicles_ that small?"

"Do Fire Nation Nobles soak their _spears_ in tea until they _enlarge_?"

"Touché."

"Would you two knock it off!? Everyone knows the reason why Ozai killed off the Air Nomads. He was jealous of how long our _air staffs_ are! Heck I'll even prove i-"

"What if she's fat!?" interrupted Toph abruptly. Lucky for everyone that she did. If Katara had to see one more nude person, she would've butchered them all with a handmade ice butcher knife. Then put their human flesh into stewed sea prunes.

Katara snorted in a very on ladylike way. It put Bumi into shame.

"Toph we have all seen Ozai's Ursa shrine during the Day of Black Sun. She's very attractive, and looks hot in a bikini. Ozai must have major problems in the sack to let her go." explained the waterbending master. Her eyes were straight lines. Her index finger in the air in a "matter of fact" manner.

"Hello! Blind! Can't see _anything_." The blind girl waved a hand in front of her face to emphasize.

"By the way your heart is beating. You feel quite jealous of Ursa's looks, Sugar Queen." A giant grin was plastered on the younger girl's face.

The boys were all hauling their asses out of the backyard and into the patio. They knew a cat fight when they see one.

"Well at least I care about my appearance! When was the last time you even thought about water! Wait don't answer that. I have a feeling you'll _**soon**_ be drenched."

Katara clenched her teeth with feminine rage. She was always in a feminine rage ever since Zuko switched campaigns. Katara made a tight fist, forcing some near by lake water into a ball. Raising that fist into the air and swinging it in a slapping motion. She loosened her fingers causing the ball of water to disperse into long spears of water.

Toph simply moved to the right. That damn grin never moved. It was crushed.

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Iroh decided to be a hero...again. He sprinted all 50 yards barefoot and still nude. His _spear_ swinging side to side. Zuko up chucked in a patch of grass. Aang barfed in a White Jade Flower pot. Sokka was comparing their butts.

Oblivous to the fact that Toph was safe. The old man tackled the former blind bandit anyway; with his abs. Yes, Iroh has abs. What else was he supposed to do in jail? Drop the soap? Hell no! He got buff and broke out of his cell by kicking the wardens ass.

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She felt pain. Everywhere. Her back, limbs, and eyes. Wait, you though I was talking about Toph? Oh no, I'm talking about a fiesty firebending prodigy.

The daughter of Fire Lord Ozai was currently chained to a chair. She had been tied to this chair for an hour and a half. By her own daddy dearest. Why? Ozai wanted to find a suitor for the most important woman in his life that he _**wasn't**_ sleeping with. He wanted her to atleast like the male physically. Believe it or not he wanted grandchildren to train and strike fear into. He had assembled five submissive candidates that he hand picked himself.

Azula was in a mental torture chamber filled with annoying ass boys. And her very caa caa for cabbage flakes father.

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Reviewing is nice, and thanks for reading!


	5. Surprisingly No One is Nude part 3

**Disclaimer - All Characters are owned by Michael DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko**

**All other characters are owned by their respective owners. I own nothing.**

Thank you for being so patient it has been two years I believe. I'm extremely sorry I have been a procrastinating dumbass. My first year of high school is officially over and I have a GPA of 4.00 but you don't care!

So please continue on reading my dear reader!

All of the characters are 18 and older so drinking and sexual things are okay.

Please Enjoy~

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Azula concluded that her father was insane. She had finally escaped her father and killed all of the suitors that Ozai recruited.

The first one was Ash from Pallet town. He wanted to be the world's greatest pokemon master. Whatever that means. Ash kept talking about friendship and pikachu. Azula wasn't sure if he even hit puberty yet. All she knew was that the boy was annoying and he had to die. And the yellow rat thing he had kept saying bits of it's own name. Pi-pi-ka-chu-pi. What the hell? The fire princess burned the yellow rat thing first. Then Ash pulled out red and white balls and threw them at her. The balls released other creatures, they were quickly burned alive too. Azula used fire blast. It's super effective. After the pokemon was disposed off Azula shot lightning at Ash's head. It made his head explode. It scared suitor number two.

The second suitor's name was Ben Tennyson. Before Ben could use his alien wrist watch Azula had shot some lightning at it. The watch thing exploded too. That scared Ben even more and he ran for it. He failed and Azula shot another lightning bolt. This time it was aimed at his back. Ben convulsed on the ground. Azula smirked. It was kinda fun killing off annoying boys.

Watching his companions naturally scared Yugi Mutou, the third suitor. Yugi Mutou was a little boy with big innocent eyes and big multicolored hair. He was the King of Games. The little midget carried around a deck of cards with monsters on it. How stupid is that? And that gold necklace around his neck just made him look even smaller. Who in the hell wears a pyramid on their neck? Apparently the King of Games does. Azula knew the perfect game to play with Yugi. It was called DEATH. Yugi saw Azula approaching him. He quickly tried to turn into Yami, the badass pharaoh inside Yugi's puzzle necklace. It was too late. Since gold is the greatest conductor of electricity, Yugi turned into a crispy, burnt potato chip.

The suitors were easy prey. Azula wanted atleast some sort of challenge. Luckily that challenge came when the fourth suitor confronted her. Son Gohan was the fourth suitor. Gohan had a wife, Videl, but they were going through a rough patch in their marriage. So Gohan decided to take up Ozai's offer of "dating" his daughter. Gohan possessed the ability to fly, create energy blasts with his chi, and he had superhuman strength and reflexes. He was a saiyan. That intrigued Azula. But Azula wanted to control her own destiny and not date someone Ozai picked out. That meant Gohan had to go. Azula shot a fire blast at Gohan, he dodged and kicked her to the ground. He tried to be gentle but he still felt conflicted. Azula may be a cold blooded killer but she was still female. She saw the mixed feelings on his face and used the opportunity to shoot a lightning bolt at his unguarded chest. Azula knew that fire wouldn't kill him but lightning was always deadly. The lightning hit him right in the heart. He too convulsed and died.

The final suitor tried to run away while Gohan fought Azula but the door was lockedand there was no windows. His name was Edward Cullens and he was the worst unconventional vampire ever. When Azula advanced toward him he backed away until he his back was against a wall.

"You can't kill me I'm a vampire!1!11!" exclaimed Edward confidently.

Azula laughed and burned him slowly and painfully with her blue flame.

Awesome.

The fire princess kicked the door open and left the chamber. Whatever was left of the suitors was eventually cleaned up by the maids.

Azula took a long luxurious bath. The smell of death lingered on her skin.

Who would be attracted to someone that smelled like death? Zombies wouldn't like her because zombies like the smell of human not death. Zombies also don't like door knobs. Just a fun fact.

After the bath Azula put some Apple Bottom jeans and black boots with the fur on. She put on a red flowing tank top and decided not to wear a bra. Azula also left her hair down. She was going wild tonight.

Azula kissed Ozai on the cheek and she went to the garage to get her motorcycle.

Her motorcycle was sheer black with blood red flames. Like Azula, her motorcycle was badass.

She rode the motorcycle to the Boiling Rock.

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Aang and the gaang were at the Boiling rock. Zuko and Sokka were making out in some corner. Katara was pole dancing and Toph was taking shots of vodka. Aang was just sipping his Absolutely Horny at the bar. Yes, Absolutely Horny is a real drink. It is composed of banana liqueor, Absolute vodka, Crown Royal, peach schnapps, cranberry and pineapple juice. Aang was a vegetarian, he liked fruit so it makes sense that he likes fruity drinks.

As the night went on Aang ordered more drinks. Aang was not an alcoholic, it was his first time drinking and Aang wanted to try more things. The presidential candidate ordered a Buttery Nipple, a That Time of the Month, a Red-Headed Slut, a Blow Job, a Slippery Nipple, a Climax, a Screaming Orgasm, and an Orgasm. He was so not an alcoholic.

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Azula spotted someone familiar. And like a predator she walked slowly and gracefully toward her prey.

"Senator Aang?"

Aang spun around in the bar stool a couple times before he came face to face with Azula.

"Yes that is I."

His voice was almost a whisper but it was serious, it was odd considering that he swallowed almost a dozen drinks.

"You aren't afraid of a scandal brewing, Senator? The paparazzi would have a field day if they saw you drunk on your ass."

"I'm not drunk! I am only sampling the bar." answered Aang courageously.

Azula eyed the empty glasses in front of Aang.

"I can see that. Do you recommend anything, Senator?"

"Curious, aren't ya?"

Aang looked Azula in the eyes.

"I recomment a Blow Job."

Aang's voice was dead serious.

Azula stared at him. Then she cracked a smile.

"You are quite fearless. I like that." Azula placed her hand on top of Aang's. "Shall we dance?"

"Will your dad find out?"

"No."

"Let's hit it."

The alcohol in Aang's body lowered his inhibitions and he did not realize that it was a bad idea to trust Azula. Everyone knows Azula lies.

Their night was filled with dancing and laughing. Azula laughed at Aang for his naiveness and drunken stupidity. Aang laughed because dancing with Azula was fun and surprisingly enjoyable.

At the end of the night Azula offered to take Aang home.

"Have you ever ridden on a motorcycle, Aang?"

They were now on a first name basis. Azula works fast.

"Nope. Have you ever ridden on an Appa?"

Azula looked at him cautiously.

"No, I have not ridden on an Appa. I don't think I want to."

Aang laughed. Azula pouted.

"Do you want to ride with me or not?"

"Of course I do! I'd try anything once!"

"Alright, get on."

Azula got on the motorcycle. Aang got on behind her. Azula would never be on the backseat, she was the one in control.

Aang wrapped his arms around Azula's waist and rested his head on her shoulder.

"What if someone sees us?" asked Aang wearily.

"Then I would have to kill them."

"You would kill someone for me? You are so sweet, Azula." said Aang not realizing that Azula would kill someone just so her own reputation would not be ruined.

Azula started the motorcycle and revved the engine. Their bodies were already pressed together but the vibrations created by the engine made them rub up against each other in mild pleasure.

She drove him home but left Aang with a kiss. A kiss without tongue. If he wanted tongue he would have to work for it.

And so Azula and Aang's relationship started with a nightclub and alcohol. For once you can blame it on the alcohol. Alcohol sure does work in mysterious ways. Well not really, I could explain how alcohol effects the brain and body but I am too lazy.

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Iroh in the meantime was spying on his brother, Ozai.

Ozai was wearing a banana hammock, more commonly known as a thong, and was on top of his king sized bed while using a hairbrush to sing I'm Too Sexy for my shirt. Which he was because putting a shirt on Ozai was like putting a mustache on the Mona Lisa.

Iroh was thoroughly grossed out. But Iroh was a hypocrite because he had done the exact same thing in his own bedroom.

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Ursa was watching Iroh watch Ozai. She was able to do this because Ursa is a ninja. She also liked watching Ozai in a thong. Ursa preferred to be teased a little before seeing the whole package.

Some day Ursa will return to her husband and children. But for now she will settle for a secret striptease from her husband.

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Thank you for reading!

All of the drinks are actual drinks, lol. Remember kiddies, underage drinking is bad.

Reviews are super duper appreciated along with favorites and story alerts.

The next chapter will go back to the present where Aang is meeting Azula at the Jasmine Dragon.


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